John Goodman hates this.

Spider Mobile - Voiture araignee
Uploaded by sebest

Stop the Madness

Ever felt like doing this?

All you have is 4 minutes for this topic?

Alec Baldwin is a bad father?

There's nothing smirky about this, it's just pathetic.

A voice mail Alec left for his 11 year old daughter.

Is Peter Sellers Funny?

Bobby G

Try Vacuuming

Bam.

What makes YOU laugh?

Will Ferrell Abuses Children?

The Bird

Basketball courts for birds. That's niche.

Cocks Hate Fighting

Vonnegut on Writing Short Stories

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Reportedly from Bagombo Snuff Box

Below this sentence is a video.

2 Ways to Cure a Hangover

I posted earlier about a hangover cure.

We have breaking news.



There's something better.



Hangover prevention.

Friday night me and my boys went to a gala.



We took Zeo brand hangover pills, now with witchcraft.

We drank and made merriment.

We woke up WITHOUT a trace of a hangover.

I promise.

The company's site.

Fistacuffs

I got in a fight with my boss.

Two Things

1) Mice are stupid
2) Did you know this occurs?

Do you hate Squirrels?

Hmmm.

Everyday I meditate.

It's takes around 20 minutes. Sometimes, I fall asleep during this time. Sometimes.
Today I lied down at 8pm for my 20 minutes and got up feeling rested.
I grabbed my over-sized cell phone to check the time. 1:30am.

Hmmm.


Since there is nothing really smirky© about the above, I give you this.

Be Different.

Have you ever?

A few weeks ago I watched Primal Fear























Today I watched Elevator to the Gallows






















What do these have in common?

I had already watched them, but didn't realize it until the very end of the movie.

Let me make this clear.

I watched the movie.
I forgot I watched the movie.
I watched the movie again.

I did this twice.


So, the next we meet and I don't remember your name don't feel bad.

The best thing ever.

This works, I swear. I discovered these tasty lil miracles while on location for a movie. Try them. The next morning you will be glad you spent the 8 bucks.

Waste Valuable Office Time

Addictive

Mischa, Build Me This.

Come on, Please?
I built you this:



I'll act surprised when I open it.

Vs

O'Reilly Vs Geraldo




Cat Vs Printer


"Cats like to eat asparagus"

Mad Scientists

Voodoo I tell you. Voodoo.
Amazing

101 ways to Earn more cash

Live a little

Girl power

Clever girl

Eye Tunes

I woke up to discover that I was sleeping on my ipod. My face was mushed into my ipod. Rise and shine.

Take a Leap

Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down.
Ray Bradbury
Author of more than 500 literary works

Easing the stress of wiping with newspaper

The Hole - video powered by Metacafe

If only it were an hour

Kick my ask

Yin and Yang

Showalter Lost His Mojo?

Here are some completely not funny interviews. You should download them to your ipod device.



Edition #16: Sex, Drugs, and Comedy with Michael Showalter

Edition #20: "That's It?!? But we didn't talk about anything!" with Michael Showalter

Edition #21: "I love the Stone Age!" with Michael Showalter and Michael Ian Black

Edition #22: "Banter is Competitive" with Michael Showalter and Michael Ian Black

Do you want to be my friend?

You love it?

This is the latest rage, all the playground is abuzz. Is abuzz a word?



My preference is more:

Events

Is there anybody out there?

Friday, Apr 6, 6pm
Blanton Museum of Art
($5 members/$10 nonmembers)

On the first Friday of every month the Blanton is open from 6-11pm for a happening night of art, libations, and live music by Austin bands and performers! Tickets are available at the museum.

007 Funniest Person in Austin Contest
Monday, Apr 16, 8pm
Cap City Comedy Club
Hosted by John Ramsey, Winner 2005

FPIA preliminary rounds will be held Mondays in April and May at 8pm. Admission is $5. Free if you are me.

Viral Video

As you know I only like viral videos about animals. I love videos about two animals. And, I really dig videos about a pelican eating a duck.


Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

My Heat

The comedian Jim Gaffigan has a joke about seeing the movie Heat. if you haven't heard it, you should heard it right quick.

Well, Me and You and Everyone We Know is my heat.



If you know me, please bring up this movie in conversation.
If you don't know me, please don't bring up anything in conversation. Why are you talking to me? Are you trying to sell me something? I'm not interested. I said no.

Also, buy me the unpurchasable script and send me cash money.

Make it a good one.

SXSW day 5- end

I don't have notes for these days.

You can't control me.